pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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