Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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