i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
