He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
