At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
