oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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