I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
