I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
