i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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