We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
