my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
