I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
