I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
