i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
