Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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