i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
