Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
