I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
