Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
