so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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