Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
