Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
