i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
