remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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