dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
