Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
