You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
