You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
