Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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