I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize