we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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