so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
