I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
