margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
