he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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