I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
