real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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