so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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