I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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