I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
