I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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