Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
