There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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