literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize