i permit you to call me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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