I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
