I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
