day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
