He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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