I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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