apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
