Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
