i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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