remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize