Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
