I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
