I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
