Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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