My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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