Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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