She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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