pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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