it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize