you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
